Definition of "Sport"

One of my favorite bar room conversations over the past 5 years has been this: what is your definition of a sport, and is (fill in the blank, most often NASCAR) a sport? I have this conversation constantly with whoever will have it with me in the hopes of coming up with a consensus. I’ve had it at work, the bar, with friends, family, random people waiting at the bar in the airport, the wife, you name it. You should start this up next time you’re out. It’s seriously the best barroom talk ever. Fair warning: there is a decent chance random drunk strangers will jump in on this debate, so if you don’t want to make friends at the bar, get a table somewhere off to the side, a few pitchers of the finest microbrew in the house (or High Life), and get cracking. I’ll throw my two cents in to get you started.

Since NASCAR is my usual whipping boy for this argument, I’m going to share a quick story: a co-worker of mine is a die hard NASCAR fan. To prove to her that NASCAR is not a sport and completely random, I challenged her to two pools. 1. She admittedly knows nothing about college hoops, and we faced each other in a bracket challenge. 2. We pick drivers every week for NASCAR, higher placing driver gets a point, bonus point if your driver wins that week, highest points at the end of the year wins. My personal rule was to be completely random and to not think more than 10 seconds about my driver (dead serious about the 10 second rule, by the way. It was born of the 5 second rule when something tasty falls on the floor), e.g., highest number, highest numbered alcohol sponsor were a couple picks. At one time, in three consecutive weeks, I took the guys who finished 8th, 1st, and 4th, from the previous weeks because my wedding anniversary is 8/14. I won two times, and one of those times got me a bonus. I had picked my final 7 races two months in advance by just randomly going with sponsors and other things.

Results? 1. She took an early lead with some random upsets, I ended up crushing her in the end. 2. I clinched with 6 weeks to go, and correctly picked the winner 5 different times. How freaking random is that? Keep in mind I go out of my way NOT to know anything about NASCAR. Remember these things when we finish up today, or just scroll back up to the top. Or, if you have a Delorian, 1.21 Giggawatts, and a flux capacitor… you get the idea.

Alright, so according to dictionary.com, sport is defined as follows: Sport - an athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature. The key word for me there is “athletic,” which is defined, again by dictionary.com, who is apparently sponsoring this post (dictionary.com – proud sponsor of the “we will never have to open a book or go to the library again” generation), as “physically active and strong.” Hmm… physically active and strong. Does that sound like a NASCAR driver to you? I have many friends and co-workers who will say, “hell yes. You ever sit in one of those cars for that long? You gotta be in shape, baby.” Note – that is a direct quote from the same co-worker who I beat in the aforementioned race pool. Did I mention I clinched with six weeks to go? We’ll get back to this later.

A game, on the other hand, again brought to you by dictionary.com, is defined as: Game - a competitive activity involving skill, chance, or endurance on the part of two or more persons who play according to a set of rules, usually for their own amusement or for that of spectators. Oh, re-he-he-eally? (read that like Ace Ventura. Go ahead, go on back. There you go, get it now? If you don’t go, rent the movie. Or don’t. But it’s your loss). Keep this in mind as well, or, just scroll back again. I wish you could post footnotes or sidenotes on this thing.

K, so when we’ve (I’ve) had this argument in the past, it’s basically been our trying to figure out what we consider a sport, what we don’t, then figuring out how to define sport based on what should and shouldn’t be included. Yes, this is a back-asswards and probably more difficult way of doing this, but the “difficult” is the funnest part about it. (Just looked up “funnest” on dictionary.com, doesn’t exist. It is, however, used as a word multiple times on Wikipedia, so that’s good enough for me). Allow me to break down the most highly debated sports, and you can add in your own at your leisure, or better yet, comment here or email me ideas.

NASCAR – by far and away, the most highly debated, I think mostly because it has probably the second highest following after the NFL, has extremely passionate fans, and I’ll admit it, is the most fan-friendly organization I know (UFC would be in the fan-friendly debate if it were more mainstream, by the way. Awesome sport. Yep, it’s a sport). Anywho, this is where the whole “athlete” thing comes to a head. As I mentioned before, most people who follow NASCAR, and there are a hell of a lot of you, say yes. Here is my counter: am I an athlete when I drive to work? Having a drivers’ license doesn’t make a 17 year old an athlete by any means. I would argue that the pit guys are way more athletic than the drivers. To me, turning a steering wheel is not an athletic movement. Yeah, NASCAR fans, I know, I know, try and do it when you’re going 200 MPH. Sorry, but that still isn’t athletic to me. For me, NASCAR should be out. Though I will admit, I am far and away in the minority on this one, but it doesn’t meet my soon-to-be revealed, brilliant definition of sport.

Horse racing – basically NASCAR on horses with really small people “driving.” The only difference for me is that these guys are less athletic. Maybe it’s cause the jockeys are really short, but they seem to be doing a hell of a lot less work (whipping a horse and not trying to fall off) for a hell of a lot shorter time (no more than 3 minutes versus upwards of four hours). Besides, if you asked me what seemed easier, riding a horse really fast or driving 200 MPH, I’m going with the horse. As long as it’s a nice horsey, and not the one that tried repeatedly to buck me off when the wife and I were horseback riding across Aruba on our honeymoon. This is also my official endorsement of Aruba as a vacation/honeymoon destination. We’ve been twice, and plan to go again. Go to El Goucho when you go. Trust me, you will not be disappointed. Hell, if you cover half my ticket, I’ll be happy to show you around.

Figure skating/gymnastics – tough one. You obviously need to be in shape and be “physically active and strong” to participate in these. And looking at most figure skaters and gymnasts, they look pretty damn fit. The hardest part to figure out is the whole judging thing. That makes things a bit arbitrary, especially because unless someone takes a dive, very few people can tell the difference between good and great performances. The counter, of course, is that boxing and MMA (both sports) are judged at times, too. I think that most times the casual fan can tell who won in those sports, but it does preclude us from ruling figure skating/gymnastics completely out just because they are completely judged events. (wow, that sounded really academic. Wow, saying that sounded academic sounded even more academic. Let’s try that again…). Just cause it’s judged doesn’t mean it’s not a sport. Ahhh, that’s better. Moving on…

Bowling – this is going to be my representative from the “is it really a game” department, which also includes golf, table tennis, and a host of other Olympic sports, e.g., curling and archery. Keeping in mind the “physically active and strong” definition of athlete, you kind of need to be in shape to throw that ball down with a flick of the wrist. On the other hand, have you looked at a stereotypical good bowler? Those guys have guts that rival Charlie Weis. Not that a gut keeps you from being “physically active and strong,” (see: lineman, offensive), but c’mon. If you can eat chicken fingers and fries and drink a few beers and still be able to compete at a high level, then you are debatable.

So those are the most controversial, at least they have been in my world. I gotta tell you, it’s been a really great five years of debating this, and I recently finally settled on a definition that works for me, but to be perfectly honest, not as much for most people, since, as you probably guessed by now, mine is centered around the idea that NASCAR is not a sport. So without further adieu, I present Logical Betting’s official (for now) definition of sport:

Sport (n) (sp-O-urt) – any athletic competition during which there is a reasonable opportunity for physical injury when played as the rules dictate.

I can hear you, NASCAR fan, so let me address that first… I am fully aware you can get injured when your car crashes. Note that I said “as the rules dictate.” I’m pretty sure that it’s not in the rules that you should attempt to crash your car. I could drown playing golf if I get too drunk, drive my cart into the lake, and get knocked out, but that’s not in the rules, either… unless you’re playing with a certain friend of mine, who knows who he is, in which case, it’s a distinct possibility. That same friend just said, “p***y” out loud right after he read that. Anyways, I’m separating “game” and “event” from “sport” with an injury clause. With that in mind, here’s how I weed out the sports from the non-sports, leaving out the obvious on both ends, i.e. football, chess:

Sports – bowling (arm/shoulder injuries), golf (same, plus groins and knees), figure skating (this one kills me, and is proof I’m open to debate. For the life of me, I tried to get this one out, but I can’t do it. At least, not yet), track and field events, gymnastics, cycling, and swimming.

Non-sports – NASCAR (yes!!!), horse racing, (I would term NASCAR and horse racing as events or competitions, but not sports. I know this is stretching it, but it’s my definition, so there) billiards, and a host of Olympic events, including archery (maybe if you shot 500 arrows in a row), and curling.

Debatable – skiing (I think moguls for sure, but is that how it is intended to be done? Crashing is not how it’s intended to be done. This is a tough one.); kayaking/canoeing (shoulder?), cheerleading (please don’t kill me, you know who you are); rhythmic gymnastics, any dance competition, and synchronized swimming (wife’s entries); hunting/skeet shooting/fishing (another wife entry – maybe when the gun kicks back or after enough casts you separate a shoulder? I say no, but she says yes, so it obviously goes debatable); BMX (wife again, she claims it is, and says you have to be athletic to ride a bike, ala cycling. I’m torn, so it’s going debatable, but thinking about it, if cycling is a sport, then BMX probably is, too); and, amazingly enough, table tennis (shoulder/elbow? Does tennis elbow happen to the top table tennis players? Can someone call China and find this out for me?)

So there you have it. One man’s take on what is a sport. I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions, especially for “sports” that should be debated. Please email me or comment and let’s keep this bar room conversation going. I would be more than happy to debate with you with a couple frozen drinks on an Aruban beach, or other tropical island of your choosing (I’ll admit it, I’m drifting since that Aruba paragraph). Thoughts after a minimum of two drinks are especially appreciated. Cheers!