Week 11 NFL Picks

Arg put up a good fight, but she couldn't stop this week's NFL picks coming to you LIVE from West Point, NY, and the home of one now Major Mojo. He and Fah-T are here to attend the N**** D*** v. Army game in Y***** Stadium tomorrow night. They have graciously agreed (read: I am making them) to throw their two cents into this week's NFL picks. We are unofficially brought to you by Tecmo Bowl and LaBatt Blue, who are supplying the amusement for this evening. Let's roll. Oh, first picks are mine, then theirs follow. Okay, now let's roll, starting with a bonus pick...

Army (+8) v. ND - That line is suspiciously short, and even Fah, the resident N**** D*** fan agreed. Fah - "Seriously? Did you just ask that? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. Navy. Oh, and I don't need your sympathy. N**** D*** 42-18." Mojo - thinking hard... "Army 30-20." Fah - "If that happens, you can predict my method of suicide, too." I asked if he would say alive for his son. Fah - "I would have to take him out with me." Wow.

Taking a brief timeout because Mojo's internets need to be reset, and we're waiting for halftime of Tecmo to do it. We would like to take this moment to let you know that Ronnie Lott is the fastest human being ever. If you gauge it by Tecmo Bowl. Which was made before any of today's college freshman were born. We are old. We now bring you back to today's regularly scheduled post.

Jags (-1.5) v. Cleveland - Browns are due to come back to Earth. Fah - "Fah-T is taking the Browns (LB note - yes, he did the 3rd person reference). Peyton Hillis is the man, he's gonna get 3 TDs." Mojo - "Cleveland. Colt McCoy throws 3 TDs. I hate that f***er, though. (LB note - asked him why, "he p***ed out in the National Championship game." This led to an argument between the two of them that continued into the next pick).

Steelers (-7) v. Oakland - I would quote here, but this took about two seconds for a unanimous Steelers. We also all agree this is Lock #1. Place your bets. Oh, and fair warning, I'm 7-0 on locks so far. I don't feel like scoring from last week, either, sorry. I seriously I have no idea how I did other than locks. And I won another 6 pack last week. Sorry, cousin, had to do it.

Bengals (-6) v. Buffalo - I don't really know why, since I have been touting picking against Cincy because they are way overrated, but I just have a feeling here. Fah - "I'm taking the Bills because T.O. is a d-bag." Mojo - "Bengals, because I'm mad at Buffalo for beating Detroit." Good enough. Fah accused him of picking them because "he is a d-bag, too." No response from Mojo, too busy trying to beat one of us in Tecmo. He's something like 0-6 so far.

Cowboys (-6.5) vs. Detroit - Rather than explain, I'll just tell you that I just found out that when we were in Dunkin Donuts earlier on the way to West Point's campus, Fah apparently took a bite of his donut right when he got it, looked at Mojo, and mouthed, "Fah T happy." They both take Detroit. Mojo calls Detroit the best team in the world. Okay.

Cardinals (+8.5) at KC - Honestly, I just want to break my streak of taking all the big home favorites. Fah says that Ronnie Lott is making Mojo his bitch. Mojo likes KC, Fah takes the Cardinals because "Charlie Weis f-ed N**** D***." Good enough.

Packers (-3) at Minnesota - We all love Green Bay here, though all admit this line seems a little short, so no lock. Fah - "Grandpas should never win football games. There's a least a 50% chance that Brett Favre dies on the field." Mojo - "Yeah, Grandpa's who let their penis hang out of their pants should never win football games." I love these guys, why aren't we podcasting this? Oh yeah, I remembered all the baby stuff, but forgot the computer. Next time...

Ravens (-11) at Carolina - Carolina is such a mess. Brian St. Pierre is starting for them, and DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart are both out. Call this one Lock #2. Fah - "I'm taking Carolina." He says it's because of Claussen, who isn't a good QB even when he's playing. Whatever, it's his pick. Mojo - "11 is a lot." Asked if taking Carolina - "No (said quickly). But 11 is a lot." Not nearly enough.

Titans (-7) vs. Washington - I feel like I'm taking too many favorites, but LB rules say, if the team is really bad, just keeping betting against them. Or something like that. Oh yeah, just pick against them if they aren't good. Got it. Fah - "Titans." Mojo - "Titans, though I wish McNabb well because he's on my fantasy team." Got it.

Texans (+7) at NY Jets - The Jets haven't looked good at all, and I know that's a NY line, but I don't care about that or that the Texans have looked even worse. Mojo - "Jets." Fah - Silence... "what is it? (Told line)... Tough call. I'll go Houston. The 2nd biggest d-bag in the league is Rex Ryan. T.O. is #1." I kinda like Rex Ryan, but he is kinda a d-bag.

Saints (-11.5) vs. Seattle - Love, love, love the Saints. Not gonna lock it, but damn close. I need Brees to s**t the bed for fantasy purposes. Fah - "Saints all day long." Mojo - "I'm gonna go Seattle." Fah - "You would." Mojo - "Instinctively, I thought Saints, and I think they might feel that way, so I think they might f**k it up." Fah - "That's the worst thought I've ever heard." Good thing I type about 90 words per minute, right?

49ers (-3.5) vs. Tampa Bay - This is the biggest head scratcher line of the year, by freaking far. I have no idea why this is. This is a pick on a neutral field? Seriously??? Stay the hell away, gamblers. Fah - "SF - Troy Smith is the future of the 49ers." Mojo - "Not only are you wrong, you are way f***ing wrong." Fah - "This from the guy who took all Lions on his fantasy team." Mojo - "When my team has been healthy, I haven't lost." Fah - "Not only are you bad at fantasy, you are bad at Tecmo Bowl." They then compared their standings in fantasy, and Fah noted that he sucks at Tecmo Bowl kickoffs. Mojo says he's taking Tampa, and sounds confident, "so I can laugh at him when Troy Smith gets crushed, they lose, and laugh more after N**** D*** loses to Army."

Rams (+3) vs. Atlanta - Line seems pretty short, the Rams are good at home, so I'm taking the points. Mojo - "At-lanta." Fah - "Taking Atlanta, though that's an odd line. I have Matt Ryan and Michael Turner in fantasy." You can start to see what rules they would have at "Drunken Tecmo Bowl Gambling Service." On that note, I apologize now for any editing mistakes.

Pats (-4) vs. Colts - Mojo just announced his going to pick up the wives from their night out in his ranger panties. Freaking hilarious. Anyways, we all like the Pats here, and don't have anything else to say about it.

Giants (+3) vs. Eagles - I am taking the points only because I have no idea what is going to happen in this game. Seriously, do not bet on this game. Fah - "I'm taking the Giants, and predicting that Justin Tuck destroys Michael Vick then barks in his face like a dog." Wow. Mojo - "I'm taking the Eagles, the crowd is going to be behind Vick." We all agree that no one in their right mind would bet on this game.

Chargers (-10) vs. Denver - Hey, I've picked this many favorites this week, why stop now? My fingers are getting tired and it's about my turn to play Tecmo. Mojo - "Denver. No reason. None that are logical." Fah - "Denver all day long. I think the Chargers are one of those teams that don't show up consistently, and they're going to s**t the bed." Definitely possible.

Alright, enough picks on a Friday night, time for more beer. Logical Betting locks this week are the Steelers -7 home to Oakland, and Ravens -11 on the road at Carolina. Hit me on email or Facebook if you're gutsy enough to test them. Longer post next weekend. Happy Thanksgiving, all. Hasta.