NFL Playoff Picks

It’s NFL playoff time, which is good times, but also when everyone busts out their “prognostication/Swami/crystal ball” whatever. I’m not down with that cliché, only every other one, so I’m going to do like always and just tell you like it is… this is my “what I think will happen in the playoffs” post. Catchy, right? I’m copyrighting that one. Unofficially brought to you today by Tostitos Hint of Lime chips. Yumms.

As you may (not) recall, I had the Saints to beat the Pack, the Ravens over Indy, and the Saints to repeat over the Ravens in the Super Bowl at the beginning of the year. Good for me cause they’re both in the playoffs, bad for me cause one of them doesn’t have a great shot at it. But, being as generous as I am, I will give you picks, picks vs. spread (Round 1), and what I need for LB to have ESP. Oh, you, chitty chitty bang bang, we love you.

Wild Card Round

New Orleans (-10.5) at Seattle – 7-9, eh? I’m not for re-seeding or eliminating the division winner playoff things. We hit a statistical outlier. Big deal. Oh wait, Brett Favre isn’t around to suck up 20 minutes of Sportscenter, better find something else to make look interesting that isn’t. By the way, you know even ESPN is sick of Favre when he gets sued by two more Jets masseuses for (allegedly) sending lewd texts. Brett, you are thankfully and finally out of our lives. For now. Anyways, don’t discount Seattle’s home field here, they actually are legitimately better at home, and have some talent on that team. However, do discount them having any chance to win this game. I’ll lay the points, but I could see a back door cover here. Which would be a dream scenario for Vegas, cause I don’t think the Seahawks would bet on themselves. It is nice that Pete Carroll can pay his players legally now, though, right? Pick – New Orleans across the board.

Jets (+3) at Indy – Not sure why this got the Saturday night slot, NBC got to pick it, I believe. How did they turn down Green Bay/Philly? Something strange brewing in the commish’s office, maybe? Regardslesses, this is the prime chance for the world to see what LB has known for awhile… Mark Sanchez blows. If he can’t throw on the Colts, he can’t throw on… the Colts. Seriously, if Sanchez played anywhere else, no one would even talk about this dude. Over-freaking-rated. I don’t feel like ranting today, so time to stop before I get angry. It’s a new year, right? In any case, despite Indy being 1-5 in the Wild Card Round under Manning, are you about to take Sanchez over him at home? Yeah, me neither. See, Logical Betting? Write that down, kids. Pick – Colts across the board.

Ravens (-2.5) at Chiefs – I thought the Chiefs were feisty at home, then they no showed a game against a division rival with a chance to lock up the 3 seed and avoid the Pats in the 2nd round. Oops. How about that .500 record from Oakland, by the way? What if they had a quarterback? What’s that? Oh, they’re not playing in this game. Got it. If the Ravens ran the ball more than Andy Reid, they would have been 13-3. They should be, for God’s sake. The Chiefs are an enigma, meaning don’t bet this game, but if you must, bet against them (bad good team). The Ravens are good against the run, will shut down Bowe, and this should be simple for them. However, they have been anything but simple all year. Wouldn’t be shocked to see KC win this 19-17 or something like that. The public bet this line down a half point to start, and I’m guessing it gets bet back up. Logical Betting, kids, the Ravens are just plain better, and that tends to win out, especially when the better team also happens to be rocking much better playoff experiences. Pick – Ravens across the board.

Packers (+2.5) at Eagles – Sports talk around here is starting to reveal what some have known for a while now… the Eagles have not looked good since about Week 10, and this is a bad matchup for them. The Packers defense is physical, the corners can tackle, and the linebackers are quick, which is the recipe for slowing down the big plays. The Birds need to take shots over the top early and often (which they have done this year) and try and attack the Packers safeties. That, and they need to either run the ball, and/or use McCoy a lot in the screen/check down game, like they should have been doing against Chicago. Green Bay is going to score, the question is whether the Eagles will get enough big plays to win. This is not a 10 play/80 yard Eagles team. And that will be their downfall in a year that was both entertaining, beat expectations, and will somehow probably seem a little disappointing to Eagles fans. The mood around here seems to be setting up for disappointment. I actually liked the Birds to win this for awhile, then I heard the following stat: 76%. As in, the percentage of touchdowns opponents score in the red zone against the Eagles. Yikes. Pick – Green Bay across the board.

Divisional Round

New Orleans at Chicago – As a Bears fan, I am praying the Eagles win that game and I avoid this matchup. As it were, this is a disaster for us Bears fans. New Orleans has a great pass defense and is a turnover machine. Jay Cutler, too, is a turnover machine. Also, for us Bears fans, a nausea-inducing machine. Seriously, I get completely pumped up and freaked out every time he’s not handing the ball off. God, it’s going to be a long few years. At least we have a legit QB again, though. Anywho, I know none of you care about that, so… Forte needs 25 carries in this game for the Bears to have a shot. Otherwise, we’re one and done. Good year for us, though, watch them draft O-Line, WR, and D-line next year. Pick – New Orleans, in reality and LBESP world.

Green Bay at Atlanta – Matt Ryan is 18-2 at home. Word. Atlanta’s defense is underappreciated, and I think they can run on Green Bay. If this game is played anywhere else on the planet, it’s Green Bay all night long. By the way, current Super Bowl odds on Bodog have the Saints at 10-1, Eagles at 11-1, and Packers at 12-1. Don’t those sound look good value bets? Anyways… Pick – Atlanta. LBESP – Green Bay.

Ravens at Pittsburgh – I think Baltimore would have a better shot at the Pats. They won in Foxborough last year, and could easily do it again. The Stilers own them. If I were the Ravens, I would make my cheerleaders do a Victoria’s Secret runway show in Big Ben’s hotel hallway all night. Steelers win an ugly one. Is there any other thing in Pittsburgh in January? Not if you’re Big Ben, HAHAHAHA. Sorry, can’t help myself. How is this dude not under arrest again? Pick – Pittsburgh. LBESP – Ravens.

Colts at Pats – This rivalry is getting old. I also think I’m one of the few people who doesn’t see the Pats winning the Super Bowl. Gut feeling, I guess. This year, Tom Brady put up only the second season where a QB had a 6 to 1 or better TD/INT ration, going a freaking psycho 36 TD to 4 INT, one of which was on a Hail Mary. The other season? Tom Brady a few years ago. Scary. If they win the Super Bowl, he’s why. See, Mojo, QBs CAN win games, even championships. Name two other offensive players on New England. Exactly. And if you got Green-Ellis, it’s cause he was good in fantasy, not because you had heard of him before. Pick – New England. LBESP – Colts (if that happens, I really may have ESP).

Conference Championships

Saints at Falcons – Part 3 in our exciting triology! Actually, this would not be that exciting for most people, though watching that Monday nighter the other week (with my dad to watch the official clinch of our fantasy league title… ah, thank you!), this will be good football. Experience vs. one rocking home field advantage and a team loaded with talent. Who dat? Pick – Saints. LBESP – Saints over Packers in New Orleans, in a shoot out.

Steelers at Pats – This would be really simple… if the game is played 24 points/team or less, the Steelers pull the upset. If the Pats get to 24, then the Steelers be screwed. They would have to win the field position battle all day, and I mean that literally, all four quarters, and make Brady dink and dunk for 80 yards at a time. Mendenhall better eat his Wheaties. And his Cortisone-shoties. Pick – Patriots. LBESP – Ravens over Indy at home, ugly, something like 22-20.

Super Bowl

Saints vs. Pats – I actually do like the Saints to get here, and I just don’t see anyone not named Baltimore beating the Pats in the AFC. I’ll forgo the long breakdown for a later post, but for the fun of it… Saints 34, Patriots 31. LBESP – Saints over Ravens.

New Year’s Resolutions are ready and will be posted soon. Comments/suggestions on the old blog or to my email. Hasta, and thanks for reading.