Inspired to be the Yankees PA Announcer

We all have our muses, and this video has inspired me to work on two of my ultimate sports goals:  1. Announce any sporting event.  2.  Do everything in my power to rip the Yankees.

Good advice

So when I'm as famous as Will Ferrell one day Since I'm so awesome and the Tigers will ask me to do this one day, here is an EXCLUSIVE, FREE PREVIEW of how I will be announcing the Yankees starting lineup this year:

1.  At shortstop, he provides limos to one night stands, and pays them with signed baseballs - Derek Jeter.

2.  At second base, he collects rare daisies in the offseason, Robinson Cano.

3.  In left field, he whines to Joe Girardi when Swisher calls him a weenie, Curtis Granderson.


You're welcome, Mr. Texiera.



4.  At first base, he collects Tickle Me Elmos and brushes the manes of ponies, Mark Texiera.

A Rod?

5.  On third, he wears more makeup than Lady Gaga, Alex Rodriguez.

6.  In right field, he likes to tell fart jokes and walk around the clubhouse with no pants, Nick Swisher.

7.  At catcher, he's been repeatedly mistaken for a Saint Bernard, Russell Martin.

8.  In center, he isn't tall enough to ride anything at Disney World, Brett Gardner.

9.  DH-ing, Russell Branyan... who the hell is Russell Branyan?  Wait, is this 2003?

And finally, starting on the mound, he's a national spokesperson for Jenny Craig, CC Sabathia.

Thanks to my hero for #4 and to the Yankees for being such an easy team to hate.  Contact Logical Betting at logicalbetting@gmail.com and twitter.com/logicalbetting.