The REAL Peyton v. Eli breakdown

Distraction.

You had to know that topic was coming, right? Luckily, Gisele managed to distract us from it for awhile because, if you just look at numbers, it’s no contest and it gave us time to give you the TRUE breakdown of the Peyton v. Eli debate, i.e., no stats, just the stuff that really matters.

Endorsements - Since money is all that really matters Remember the old Peyton Manning Mastercard commercials? What happened to those? Lost somewhere with the Bud Bowl? (where were you Sunday??? I had Bud Light -3.5!). Cut that meat, cut that meat!

Don't Tread on Me...

Anyways, the internets tell us that Peyton grossed $15M and Eli $7M last year from endorsements, with some crossover - both endorse Oreo and Reebok, while Peyton has Mastercard (commercials???) and Gatorade, and Eli bringing in Citizen Watch and Toyota (must hate America). Gatorade is easier to drink than gasoline. Seriously, try it. Cash, money, hos! Edge - Peyton

Teams - The Colts left Baltimore for Indy. No one under 50 really cares about that anymore. Indy is apparently an underrated city, but no one will travel there unless the Final Four or Super Bowl is there, i.e., they have no baseball team. The Giants have lots of fan crossover with the Yankees, who are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. Homer’s words, not mine. The philosopher, Homer. I  think the Giants road unis are cool, don't ask me why. Edge - Peyton.

Hair (for the ladies) - Peyton is rocking your traditional crew cut, is a total dreamboat (STRIKE) and would never find himself on the Worst Athlete Babysitter list. Eli is rocking the ever so trendy long hair thing. Probably in his contract since he plays for New York. In other words, if you have a daughter, you want Peyton picking her up for prom. Which means Eli is probably cooler. Edge - Eli

Philsopher.  Hero.

Lady Friends - Holys**thaveyouseenEli’swife???. I mean, you wouldn’t kick Peyton’s out of bed... but, damn! My respect for Eli just went up a notch. Even though he's still a bitch for orchestrating a draft day trade because he whined to his daddy about playing in San Diego. Edge - Eli.

Random Related Sports Rant (RRSR) - Giants fan friend/co-worker and I were musing over whether Eli wins two Super Bowls with San Diego. Our brief thoughts... 1. Better overall talent in San Diego over the years, though arguably single better teams in NY. 2. Norv Turner would have found a way to lose close playoff games, rather than Coughlin winning them. 3. AFC has been a tougher conference the past 8 years, though AFC West has been easy. The LB pick - Less than 2 in San Diego. Ahem...

Kids - With all due respect to sometimes-contributor Reggie, Eli’s kid is a chunker, and really stinkin' cute. Wife and I saw her a few times during game, didn’t realize it was his kid before the celebration on the field. Our reaction on first sight, “whoa, look at that chunker!”  This was confirmed when I just showed the wife the pic again, and she said the exact same thing.  So there.  The Peytons are notoriously private, and I can’t find a pic, so we’ll compare names. Peyton has a twin girl and boy, Mosely and Marshall. Eli’s daughter’s name is Radar. Uhhh... I can’t do it, can’t insult little kids. I think the chunker is cuter, but her name is... yeah. Radar Manning. What? Edge - Peyton

Favorite Foods - Wiki Answers says Peyton like hamburgers, Eli likes meatballs. Hmmmm, both primarily red meats, though you can weave in a little bison, lamb, sausage, what have you. Does Peyton eat cheeseburgers? Does Eli eat those little cocktail meatballs? What about turkery burgers? Swedish meatballs? I’m overwhelmed. Edge - Tie.

Their Mom’s opinion - Every parent has favorites With a gun to her head, Mrs. Manning’s order has to be:


You're a good Mom, Mrs. Manning.



1. Eli - He’s the baby of the family. They always get treated better. Forever.

2. Cooper - First born, plus all the medical issues. Mother’s do love to mother.

3. Peyton - Sure, he’s a done a lot, but what’s he done lately? He should consider a drunk driving charge or something, that would probably get his mom to pay attention to him again.

Edge (today) - Peyton. Everyone is picking on him because he got a boo boo and they write columns about whether his brother is better. They are both good boys! Plus, Eli already won a Super Bowl. “Nice job, honey. Can you believe what that so-called newspaper said about Pey-Pey? Just terrible. I’m going to write a letter.”

The Winner - Eli has 2 Super Bowls. Peyton has 1. Say all you want about yards, regular season wins, etc. Titles are all that matter.  Scoreboard, big bro. 

God, I hate Yankees fans. This made me feel better, though.

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