Super Bowl Improvements and the LB Super Bowl Lock

Being a sports blogger, I’m required to write about the Super Bowl this week because it’s in my contract and I get paid a lot to write this, honestly, what else are we gonna write about this week?  However, rather than bore you with the usual breakdown of the game, what if we pushed the limits and tried to figure out how we could make the most perfect of sporting events even better?  Is it even possible?  That is a mystery...  


Get it?  Miss Teary???  I told you I get paid a lot for this!  The video is hilarious, though, right? Anyways...

1. Bring back the Bud Bowl. How the hell did this get taken away in the first place?  How did anyone think this was getting old? Oh, wait, is that MADD calling, saying this encourages underage drinking?  No offense, ladies, but I guarantee two of the following three things are occurring at your house during the Super Bowl.

- There are people drinking at your house


Do yourself a favor, but tread lightly.  Best... beer... ever.



- If there aren’t people drinking at your house, every male there is making subtle comments about said Dry Super Bowl, e.g., "wow, you know my friend Bill is getting a keg of Bell’s Two Hearted for the game?" (if you know Bill, LB wants an invite).

- There is a beer commercial on

2. In related suggestions news, how about a “no FCC fines for Super Bowl commercials” law? Get on that one, Congress.
3. In more related suggestions news, the company with the worst commercial can only advertise on the O Network for one year.  Voted on by the fans.  For the love of God, people, if we get this in and Progressive puts that chick on...

4. Remove the sponsors.  Alright, so I know this is impossible, since I can’t even Google when we started sponsoring everything from the pregame show to the interviews. But can we at least just sponsor things ONCE???  I’m sick of “this interview brought to you by the Home Depot and coming to you know the Subway Fresh Take hotline.” If we can’t get the Bud Bowl, we should be spared from this.

Close enough.


5.  Kickers wear pink jerseys for the game.  Our chance to educate the non-regular fans about the importance of the kicker. 

6. Fans pick the announcers. Hell, let’s do this for all games. Beat it Matt Millen, Tim McCarver, and Joe Buck.

7. No flags for touchdown celebrations. Automatic 2 points if you successfully recreate a classic celebration, e.g. the Ickey Shuffle.  Side notes about that video - Even through the helmet, Boomer Esiason looks EXACTLY the same as he does today.  And it's bullcrap that would have beeen a penalty back then.

8. Instead of saying they’re going to Disneyland, let the winning quarterback say what they’re reeeeally gonna do. Earmuffs, kids.  I mean, you know Tom Brady's actually thinking, "I'm going to party all night and go home and bang my supermodel wife with the Lombardi Trophy sitting on the dresser where I can see it.  Suck it, bitches!!!"  Let's just let him say it.

8. Whitney Houston sings the National Anthem every year, no matter where she is, i.e., drunk at home, in  jail, rehab, wherever.

9. No old people doing the halftime show. Must be under 50 to perform. No offense to my older readers, but can you honestly say the last time anyone watched the halftime show? I know Madonna just epitamizes football, but let someone else have a turn.  Say...these guys?

On to the mandatory breakdown.  On to some interesting football reading.  The Logical Betting staff spent minutes figuring out how to stop these new age spread offenses in the No Touching Offensive Players/Spread Offenses and Lots of Points Era: You gotta get pressure with your front four and you have to be able to stop the run.

Think about these playoffs... the Giants beat the Packers by getting pressure with the front, and the fact the Pack can’t run the ball. The Niners beat the Saints by doing both. The Ravens could have beaten the Pats because they could do both.  This is also why the Pats are so freaking genius. They knew all this, and they knew they couldn’t really run the ball. So they throw Aaron Hernandez out there, and all the sudden they have a running game. It’s probably why they beat the Ravens. Unbelievable, scary, smart, and genius.

So it bets the following questions... Can the Giants get pressure with the front four?  I think they can... sometimes.  Can the Giants stop the run? I think they can... sometimes.

LB Rules for the game? Pats are good (bet on them), Giants went from a good/bad team to a good/really hot team. I think the week off kills the G Men here. They had the momentum, and the Pats have an extra week to prepare with their unbelieveablescarysmartgenius coach. That, my friends, is the common sense way of looking at it. It’s gonna be a classic, but LB calls this a Pats -3, and some places -2.5, lock.  Call it out, Sister!

It's the Pats, yo!

Patriots 27, Giants 23.

Contact Logical Betting at logicalbetting@gmail.com and twitter.com/logicalbetting.  Check out our list of the 10 Worst Athlete Babysitters by clicking here.  Enjoy the game!