More Proof NASCAR Isn't a Sport

Seriously, this is a sport?

Seeing the debacle that was the running of the Daytona 500, that ended partially in due to a car being set on fire by a jet drier or something reminded me of one of the greatest days in Logical Betting history. The day we answered, beyond a shadow of a shadow’s shadow of a doubt, the ages old question...

Is NASCAR a sport?





The answer, of course, is hells no, which I proved so eloquently awhile back.  And before you start your usual arguments, NASCAR fans, (you try it! driving that fast takes a lot of energy! it’s hot in the car!), I acknowledge all those things. I also acknowledge that driving to work does not make me an athlete. Being able to talk on the phone and smoke a cigarette while partaking does not make me an athlete. Racing a car/horse does not equal sport.

That’s not why we’re back on this. Instead, let’s mock NASCAR fans even more look at some more of the “activities” we love that can be considered sports, some that get lost in the mix of the sports we love, and give them their due. Before we move on, here is the definition of sport, as proven by me:

Sport (n) (sp-O-urt) – any athletic competition during which there is a reasonable opportunity for physical injury when played AS THE RULES DICTATE.  Remember that last part.



Good Sport.


1. Yoga - Besides the fact hot chicks do it so it’s easy to watch, yoga is actually being considered as an Olympic sport.  I wonder if it would be a summer or winter game. Anyways, not only could you pull a muscle doing this, the viewers could pull a muscle contorting to see those angles. Mmmmm, angles. Does that make the viewers athletes?

If you catch it, it's like an orange slice in soccer.

2. Cheese Rolling - In this sport, famous in England, the athletes roll logs of cheese down a hill, chase after them, first one down wins. Apparently multiple injuries and high comedy ensue. Cheese reportedly goes up to 75 MPH going down that hill, or approximately 70 MPH faster than a NASCAR driver during the caution after the jet fuel track drier blows up another car.

Guns

3. Syncronized Swimming - You can drown while doing this “as the rules dictate.” Seriously, this is more dangerous than skeet shooting. Which is not a sport. Speaking of guns...

4. Nordic Combined - LB’s Winter Olympics guilty pleasure. If anyone knows someplace I can ski, then stop to shoot a rifle, sign me up. All this needs is a bunch of animals running around in the target area where you get more points for shooting the small ones, like that arcade game who’s name I can’t remember. Then you could have a huge BBQ blow out afterwards grilling anything that was shot eating all animals who gave their lives in the name of sport and camaraderie. Cheers to that.

Tough ladies, ya?

5. Roller Derby - Wouldn't want to fight one of these chicks in a back alley. Bad... ass. According to one website, “injuries are common.” This might be more of a sport than my beloved baseball, where players spend time on the DL after playing video games. Segway!

6. Video Gaming - The list of professional athletes getting hurt playing video games, as rules dictate, mind you, includes Andy Murray, and, sadly, one of my favorites whose career is probably over, Joel Zumaya. And, according to this article , video game injuries are up 60% in the last 10 years. And, yes, I think I can argue that playing video games AS RULES DICTATE is more injurious than driving a NASCAR vehicle as you're supposed, i.e., not driving it into a wall or someone else.


Men without girlfriends



7. Cardboard Tube Fighting - This is so awesome it even has its own league. I lost a half hour at work fooling around on their webiste. Why is there no little league for this? Probably because anyone who has two sons has a little league in their house a few times a week.

8. Honorable Mentions - not quite sports, but these were worth noting...

- Bog Snorkeling - 120 meters in a bog, using only flippers. Shockingly created in England over a bet. Probably not created by sober people.

- Ferret Legging - Two ferrets in your pants for as long as possible. The world record is over 5 hours, without underwear. I am sadly not making this up.  Don’t horny teens play this all day? Seriously, that’s just gross.

- Toe Wrestling - Equivalent of thumb wrestling. Rex Ryan is a grand champion.

- Wife Carrying - This actually qualifies under my definition, but after surveying many friends, we all decided that A. metaphorically speaking, we do this all the time, and B. it’s really not that fun. Which is the point of sports, isn’t it?

If you want to kill an hour at work, Google “obscure sports.” It’s worth it. Better yet, follow Logical Betting on Twitter at twitter.com/logicalbetting or contact us at logicalbetting@gmail.com. Lots of picks and random content on the Twitters, and only a few a day, so we won’t bog down your account with perfect nights picking the NHL like we did the other day. Hasta.