The Only Things that Shock Me

Sup.  So one of the hardest things about writing this blog is coming up with the opening paragraph.  You wouldn't think so, right?  It's even harder when you've been too lazy enjoying a nice summer with multiple family vacations, lots of pool time, and consistently ditching work early to get home.  Yeah, my job sucks sometimes, but it has its perks.

Only this dude was shocked

During our family trip back to the D, we spent the 4th of July at Fah T's new cottage.  While we were throwing the football around he asked, "so what did you think of the Gholston thing?", referencing him leaving Notre Dame for a year.  I was like, "and?"  He was like, "he had like a 3.8 GPA in high school and a high ACT."  I was like, "and?"  We proceeded to agree pretty much nothing was beyond anything in sports at this point.

Shortly after Tiger Woods' drama a few years ago, I wrote a post about what would surprise me anymore, mostly about athletes cheating on their wives.  As a follow up, we present you the very few sports headlines that would shock me and the editors.  I would also like to dedicate the following jump break to the jump break, and apologize for telling it to fuck off in the last post.  Even though he is a bit of a punk.  I kid...

1.  NY Post - Derek Jeter to troops - "My job is so much harder and more important than yours."

To quote Jeter, "I mean, think about it... I'm in front of millions of people in the most pressure packed stadium in the U.S.  I make millions of dollars.  What does a soldier make, really?  When was the last time you saw a soldier in a mansion?  Sure, they protect us and all.  But I'm the one entertaining people and making them happy.  And besides, doesn't cash equal importance in this country?  I mean, I'm not trying to be a douche, but when you think about it, I'm sorta right on this one."

On the underpaid list

Notice we had to use Jeter here.  There is definitely a list of athletes I wouldn't put this past, most notably A-Rod, John Rocker, and Roy Hibbert, among others.  The sad thing is, it really wasn't that hard to make that paragraph up.  C'mon, athletes, I know you didn't ask to be role models, but you HAVE to know it comes with the territory... looking at you, Riley Cooper...

2.  USA Today - Tigers Woods - "You know, I just didn't play that well today."

Have you watched this guy's pressers lately?  Has he yet admitted to hitting a bad shot?  And why hasn't every golf commentator realized what the rest of us already know... TIGER IS JUST NOT THAT GREAT ANYMORE.  I'm not trying to put down the wins record he's sure to break next year.  He's probably going to get to 100 career wins, which is unreal.  But why does everyone insist he's going to break Jack's 18 majors?  Because he hasn't won one or gotten close in 5 years?  Do you people realize he ISN'T going to win them at the pace he did in the past?  Yes, he is the greatest golfer we have ever seen.  But I will personally be shocked if he gets to 18.  Just not gonna happen.  He's done.  Physically and mentally.

3.  Local Paper - "The Detroit Lions/Cleveland Browns/Cincinnati Bengals win the Super Bowl!!!"

He said it...

I don't know why, but I would just shock me if somehow one of those three franchises got one.  I would have thrown Arizona in there, but they were a tick away a few years ago.  I think Tennessee, Jacksonville, or Buffalo would be pretty odd, too.  Especially Jacksonville.   Anyways, besides that being a shocking headline, it was a good excuse to throw my NFL picks in here because I don't feel like doing an NFL preview this year.  I gotta do me, yo.  Actually, I really gotta do the two-kid family thing.  Side note on that, congrats to Mojo on the pending birth of his 2nd daughter this winter, shortly before his wife divorces him for coming down here two consecutive weekends for Army/Navy and Eagles/Lions.  If you're gonna go down, best to go down swinging.

NFC - Division Winners - Packers, Giants, Seahawks, Saints.  Wild Cards - Bears, 49ers
AFC - Division Winners - Pats, Bengals, Broncos, Texans.  Wild Cards - Chiefs, Steelers
NFC Championship - Seahawks over Saints.  AFC Championship - Broncos over Pats
Super Bowl - Broncos 24, Seahawks 20.

4.  Internets Blow Up - Selig - "Baseball has not fully addressed the steroid problem.  And until we do, all records from 1994 forward will have their own wing in the Hall of Fame."

Make me happy!

The real reason no one pays attention to the baseball drug thing?  We all know they haven't done crap to address it.  Best solution I read so far...

1st time offense - One year ban, AND the following occurs... the player's yearly salary is reduced to the league minimum.  In other words, instead of Braun having around $100 million left on his deal, he's got about $2.8 million.

2nd time offense - Lifetime ban.

And that, my friends, is what you call a deterrent.  I've long given up on baseball as our national pastime anymore, thought it will always be my favorite sport.  Football has permanently taken over (honorable mention shocking headline - "NFL disbands due to safety concerns.").  But if baseball adopted that policy, it might just have a shot at getting back.  The union would never go for this, but it would about guarantee a return to sanctity for our records.

It's sunny out, the pool is warm, and my computer battery is dying, so even though I have some more of these, I'm done.  Look for them on our Twitter feed, @logicalbetting.  Hope you all are enjoying the summer as much as we are.  One more special thanks to all my peeps in the D.  We had our best trip yet this year.  If we make it to the World Series, I'll be back in October.  Contact Logical Betting at logicalbetting@gmail.com and twitter.com/logicalbetting.  See you for the NFL season.  Hasta.