Wah Wah Wah, Miami

So Erik Spolestra, coach of El Heat, was surprised that the "we were crying in the locker room" story got big. Ummmm, really? People are paying attention to your team? Wow, I can't believe that hosting a prime time ESPN special, then rolling out your Big 2 1/2 (yeah, I said it, and I'll say it again, keep reading) in front of a cheering area rock-star style draws attention to your team. Shocking.

By the way, how freaking classic would it be if the next team the Heat plays on the road declares a "Kleenex night," supplies all fans behind the baskets with a bunch of boxes of Kleenex, then has them wave tissues instead of thunder sticks while the Heat players are shooting? I would donate $100 to this clause, then fly into whatever city and go to the game. Where do I sign up?

There's a couple problems with the Heat and their Big 2 1/2, outside of a clear lack of any physical and mental toughness. I know, this is shocking, too, given that Bosh has never been a banger down low, and LeBron has never been a great closer, outside of what he did to my Pistons in the playoffs a few years back. Though I still contend that if they had double teamed him even ONCE that would have never happened. Anyways, let me sum up the problems, real simple:

1. LeBron is not clutch. Wade is. I seriously think the only three people who don't know this are Spolestra, LeBron, and LeBron's mom. Wade must want to punch Spolestra every time he draws it up for #6 at the end of the game. This is also why Spolestra is done after the Heat go out in the 2nd round this year. But more importantly...

2. This team just isn't that good. They start Mario Chalmers and Erick Dampier. Think about that for a minute. I mean, do I need to go further?

Okay, I will. Their bench sucks. Outside of Mike Miller, who is way out of sync since he doesn't get to take a lot of shots, they have NOTHING off the bench. The Bulls kill them because they realize that you need more than three guys to win a five man game.

More? Okay. Bosh is not a max-contract guy. Great player? Sure. Great player to have as your #3 guy? Definitely. Unless your #4 is... who is it again? Exactly.

So break out the tissue, and invest in Kleenex stock, cause there is no way this team gets to the Finals. The Eastern Conference Finals, that is.

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